I have always felt different, never fully understanding why people seemed to treat me differently from others. I would describe it as feeling as though I was standing just outside the boundaries of what everyone else considered ‘normal’.
I remember sitting with my mum in her care home when she showed me a card from another resident. It was full of kind words, yet my mum was upset; she said she wished she could just be normal. The card had made her feel she was different.
Looking back, I can now see that my mum, my daughter, and I were all having similar experiences and challenges. We were left feeling as though we simply were not like everyone else. That realisation eventually led me to seek an AuDHD (Autism Spectrum Disorder and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) assessment, much later in life than would have been ideal.
My mind is always busy. It is hard to switch off, hard to rest, hard to sleep. My brain is constantly processing, planning, researching, always moving on to the next idea.
Feeling that it is okay to be myself at work has been a huge step forward. I feel more confident to speak up about what I am good at, because I now understand why I am good at those things, and that, in fact, I may excel at them. My neurodiversity gives me a different skill set and brings a new dimension to a team. That is a strength. When people recognise, understand, and welcome this, I can contribute something genuinely unique. Yes, I may struggle with things that come easily to many others, but I also have the ability to see problems differently and approach tasks in ways that may not be obvious to anyone else.
Through Access to Work, I was able to work with a job coach. They helped me explore changes to areas of my work that did not suit me. I had been following established patterns that worked for others but only frustrated me. With their support, I discovered different ways of working that helped me regain a sense of control.
When I think about my wish for the future, I wish for greater acceptance and a more positive view of difference. Neurodiversity brings fresh perspectives, unique skills, sometimes exceptional ones, that can strengthen and enrich any team.